I no longer like the company of men. Many times I have been angry with them, against you, against him. Worn out by your jokes, tired by your insults, hurt by your rejection. Angry that you have no place in the current social order in which you participate. Angry at this order built by you and for them. I didn't admit the manly gender role of the man that allows him to dominate.
This role of a man who oppresses me when I step aside from your injunction. I am angry because I am frustrated that I have to confront you every day. You staring at me. They who despise me. I am frustrated because we live in the same world and yet the more I know you the more I hate you. They can be the object of all my desires, but more often the object of all my hatred and contempt. I guess in my hating of men there is my own projection of what I hate about my build. This construction to which you have subjected us.
You've built a binary system just like you by including me in this program. Your program has been that all your speeches are the only valid ones. That you are the only ones producing the knowledge. I hate you. Now you are much better away from them. Away from this dominant masculinity. You deconstruct it little by little as if you were killing a part of me. You thrive in this gap, but you don't hesitate to call out to call to order. You do everything to mark this gap with them, so I don't want to be like them anymore. This is your way of weaning. Today you have more anger than envy or pity for this old world. Thanks to you I won a few battles over their dominant masculinity that the child we were envied but never could reach. That thing they wanted to instill in us, which I must have looked like, always made me uncomfortable.
These invective have always put you out of the world. I had to create interstices to build another. A different relationship to the body, to sexuality, to gender expression and to identity, than the one imposed on me. Another me, you. I’m ashamed of having been likened to that for a while in my life. We would have to break everything and redo everything. Because that’s what it is. Creating an alternative is a never-ending task. Because you are so imbued with power that it is fighting against windmills. Now is no longer the time for compromises in my opinion, but the destruction of these archaic gender roles.
Lucien !